Alex and I had just gotten married.
I went from Pierre, a town of 13,000 people, to Bismarck with 72,000, to nowhere...the closest town is 13 miles away - Wood, where the population 64 according to Google.
We came back from our honeymoon and I settled into my new life. I was so excited - I was a wife now! I was married to a man who worked hard to protect and provide for me and I liked taking care of everything in the home.
Our natural tendencies made our "jobs" very easy - we both knew what we wanted to do and everything just got done. If it was in the house - it was mine. I wanted to do it myself, so I was very clear he wasn't to touch my kitchen or my laundry room. If it was outside, it was his (besides mowing, I called dibs and he happily let me have it). He scooped the snow and warmed up my car and did everything with animals.
We lucked out - I know that not everyone is wired the way we are. Our chores were never something we had to discuss or argue about.
Not everything came easily though. Holy buckets, was there an adjustment period. Alex had to deal with a wife that knew nothing about cows, could never tell which way was north, and would zone out when conversations turned to the price of corn.
The first few years were filled with lessons; some were harder to learn than others.
*My first lesson came from my Grandma before we got married.
The more you know, the more he will expect - act dumb. Easy enough!
*I knew I wanted to be a good cook, but I didn't know how to yet- I had lived off the college meal plan and hadn't had to live alone yet. I remember one of my first meals was noodles and Prego sauce with some vegetables. Alex sat down to eat and asked where the meat was. I said not all meals needed meat in them. He laughed...and laughed some more.
Always serve meat.
*My dad was usually home for lunch and finished with the work day around 6. If he had to work late he was home by 8. There was usually plenty of time to play and eat as a family. I remember Alex telling me he was going to be working late - I started supper and had it ready to eat around 9. I ate alone around 10. I sat up and waited - we didn’t have cellphone service in that house unless you stood on the table so I was imagining he was mauled by a cow. Finally he walked in, tired and wet from the rain, around midnight. He smiled, I frowned.
Working late on the ranch is not the same as working late in town. Fill a plate and leave it in the fridge for him to heat up and then go to bed. It might be 10, it might be midnight, it might be 2 am.
*All you ladies out there pulling calves and tagging them by yourself, you are badasses. You are my idols. You are not me.
We were coming back from visiting friends in Minnesota when our first cow was having her calf that year. We came over the last hill before our turn and saw her laying on her side - Alex knew she was struggling to have her calf and had been for awhile. He was heading out to help her. I wanted to come with, I was a ranch wife now - that's part of my job, right?
We rode the four wheeler out to her and her calf was dead, stuck, and coming out backwards. I remember watching her and thinking, "So that's what contractions are like." I'd never seen anything be born before - I was excited. Alex grabbed the puller and started to crank.
As he pulled, I heard and smelt things I wasn't expecting. Out came the calf and a bunch of liquid.
Alex heard me whisper, "Alex." He turned and saw me drop like a tree.
Now - just so you don't think Alex totally panicked for no reason - I have to tell you that I have heart disease. For you medical people, I have Pulmonary Stenosis and Ebstein Anomaly. For non medical people - I have two valves that didn't develop so now have valves made of pig and beef parts (I was destined to live on a ranch).
So anyway - Alex saw his new bride just pass out. He grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder and got me to the house (manly, right??). He tried to wake me but couldn't - he was nervous my heart exploded or something so threw me in the pickup and headed to town. We met the ambulance and they couldn't get me to come around either. Finally, we got to the hospital and stayed the night so we could monitor my heart. Everything was fine and I was discharged the next day.
He was scared - I told him I'd only left room for improvement.
We've been married 8 years and I've still never watched a calf be pulled - I get light headed just listening to the gushing. Alex always tells me not to look because we don't have time for the ER.
Not all ranch wives help in the same ways.
*People always say if you want to test your marriage, work animals together. I saw how that phrase came to be when sorting with another couple - they were yellin' and spittin' and cussin' and all that good cowboy stuff. No one was on their best behavior. We were still newlyweds, so Alex was patient and never raised his voice at me.
When we got home, I just looked at him and said, "Just so you know, you won't ever talk to me like that."
"No ma'am."
We still get frustrated working animals together, because I'm clueless and scared of anything bigger than a goat. We have resorted to grunts and muttering under our breath when we are frustrated.
Yelling at each other while working calves isn't a necessity.
*It was the first winter and the roads were icy so I hadn't been to town for a few days. I realized, with horror, that we were on the last roll of toilet paper. There was more snow coming so I wasn't going to be getting more any time soon. I remember being nervous I was going to have to use shop towels and started rationing squares to stretch it out as long as we could.
If you are in town and wondering if you need more of something or if you have enough already, buy it. That goes for toilet paper, fruit, tampons, milk duds...whatever you need to survive.
*I don't remember what it was about, but I remember arguing with Alex for the first time after we were married (tensions were high - we were probably short on toilet paper). I was feeling frustrated and needed space, but I had nowhere to go. I remember it was dark outside, and winter, so I couldn't go on a walk because I had no sense of direction and would surely get lost and freeze to death. I was contemplating tricking him to go outside, and locking the door behind him until I was over it, but then it hit me. This is marriage. This is the rest of my life. There was no driving to a coffee shop or to a friend's house to pout. I needed to get over myself, act like an adult, and quit throwing a hissy fit.
You are stuck in the middle of nowhere with this person. Learn to get along or plan on being miserable.
*Alex called me one day and told me he was stuck in a pasture. He told me to drive the tractor over and bring a chain to pull him out.
This was what I'd been waiting for. This was my moment to shine - to rescue him! I threw on my coat and ran to the pickup. I drove like a NASCAR driver to the shed, drifting on the turns and throwing up snow in every direction. I threw a chain into the scoop of the tractor, jumped in, and turned the key.
That dang thing SNAPPED IN HALF. I looked at part of the key in my hand and the other part that was stuck in the ignition. I sent him a picture of the key and told him to start walking. I went home and made him some hot cocoa.
If you fail at something your man asks you to do, food or drink is your best bet for quick forgiveness.
*On our first Valentine's Day as a married couple I was so excited. I thought since we got engaged on Valentine's weekend, it was sure to be a romantic and sweet time for us for the rest of eternity. Alex called me at work and asked me to come home early and help him unload a freezer.
I fully expected that he must have some surprise up his sleeve and needed me to come early so we could go somewhere exciting together.
I rushed home...and helped him haul in a freezer.
He had rolled his four-wheeler a few days before that and cracked a couple ribs, so I'm pretty sure I did all the heavy lifting.
I was still counting on him taking me somewhere - somewhere super nice because I just carried in a freezer practically by myself (he will tell you differently - he's lying).
He sat down on the couch, and said, "Whew...let's just stay home tonight..."
"Nope. You're wining and dining me - get up."
MOST, not all, MOST men in agriculture will not be home early on special occasions to spoil you. Accept that - or prepared to be bummed multiple times a year. It stinks at times, but randomly, they will. They'll make reservations and bring home flowers or milk duds (the real way to my heart) and it'll make you swoon because it’s so unexpected. Romantic gestures may not be their preferred way of expressing their love, but they will show it in many other ways.
*That last lesson leads me to this one - the most special thing I've learned I can do for Alex, that makes him feel loved, is throw on my working clothes and tag along. Whether it's driving through pasures, checking waters, working buffalo, or watching him tag calves - when I say I want to come with him, it means more to him than 100 love notes, batches of cookies, or date nights. Nothing makes him prouder than looking over to see shit above my eyebrow with a windblown ponytail.
Your man's work is more than a job...it’s his passion. He loves it. It's not just an 8-5 job that he comes home from and doesn't think about again until the next morning. Some days it'll feel like it's all he worries about, and sometimes it is. When you show that you want to be part of it - his two great loves come together. It makes the bad years and crappy prices seem better when their bride is by their side.
I think that's about it...so if you or someone you know is considering marrying a cowboy, here's a peek into what’s coming your way.
*My prayer request today is for our family again - I’m getting greedy with all these requests for myself. It’s been a hard month with unknowns in fostering, but your prayers have been so powerful, I’m going to ask for more.
*I also ask for prayers for our little buddy and fellow chicken farmer, Isaac, who is fighting cancer. For healing for him, wisdom for the doctors, and strength for his parents.
I went from Pierre, a town of 13,000 people, to Bismarck with 72,000, to nowhere...the closest town is 13 miles away - Wood, where the population 64 according to Google.
We came back from our honeymoon and I settled into my new life. I was so excited - I was a wife now! I was married to a man who worked hard to protect and provide for me and I liked taking care of everything in the home.
Our natural tendencies made our "jobs" very easy - we both knew what we wanted to do and everything just got done. If it was in the house - it was mine. I wanted to do it myself, so I was very clear he wasn't to touch my kitchen or my laundry room. If it was outside, it was his (besides mowing, I called dibs and he happily let me have it). He scooped the snow and warmed up my car and did everything with animals.
We lucked out - I know that not everyone is wired the way we are. Our chores were never something we had to discuss or argue about.
Not everything came easily though. Holy buckets, was there an adjustment period. Alex had to deal with a wife that knew nothing about cows, could never tell which way was north, and would zone out when conversations turned to the price of corn.
 |
| Poor guy had no idea what he was getting into. |
The first few years were filled with lessons; some were harder to learn than others.
*My first lesson came from my Grandma before we got married.
The more you know, the more he will expect - act dumb. Easy enough!
*I knew I wanted to be a good cook, but I didn't know how to yet- I had lived off the college meal plan and hadn't had to live alone yet. I remember one of my first meals was noodles and Prego sauce with some vegetables. Alex sat down to eat and asked where the meat was. I said not all meals needed meat in them. He laughed...and laughed some more.
Always serve meat.
*My dad was usually home for lunch and finished with the work day around 6. If he had to work late he was home by 8. There was usually plenty of time to play and eat as a family. I remember Alex telling me he was going to be working late - I started supper and had it ready to eat around 9. I ate alone around 10. I sat up and waited - we didn’t have cellphone service in that house unless you stood on the table so I was imagining he was mauled by a cow. Finally he walked in, tired and wet from the rain, around midnight. He smiled, I frowned.
Working late on the ranch is not the same as working late in town. Fill a plate and leave it in the fridge for him to heat up and then go to bed. It might be 10, it might be midnight, it might be 2 am.
*All you ladies out there pulling calves and tagging them by yourself, you are badasses. You are my idols. You are not me.
We were coming back from visiting friends in Minnesota when our first cow was having her calf that year. We came over the last hill before our turn and saw her laying on her side - Alex knew she was struggling to have her calf and had been for awhile. He was heading out to help her. I wanted to come with, I was a ranch wife now - that's part of my job, right?
We rode the four wheeler out to her and her calf was dead, stuck, and coming out backwards. I remember watching her and thinking, "So that's what contractions are like." I'd never seen anything be born before - I was excited. Alex grabbed the puller and started to crank.
As he pulled, I heard and smelt things I wasn't expecting. Out came the calf and a bunch of liquid.
Alex heard me whisper, "Alex." He turned and saw me drop like a tree.
Now - just so you don't think Alex totally panicked for no reason - I have to tell you that I have heart disease. For you medical people, I have Pulmonary Stenosis and Ebstein Anomaly. For non medical people - I have two valves that didn't develop so now have valves made of pig and beef parts (I was destined to live on a ranch).
So anyway - Alex saw his new bride just pass out. He grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder and got me to the house (manly, right??). He tried to wake me but couldn't - he was nervous my heart exploded or something so threw me in the pickup and headed to town. We met the ambulance and they couldn't get me to come around either. Finally, we got to the hospital and stayed the night so we could monitor my heart. Everything was fine and I was discharged the next day.
He was scared - I told him I'd only left room for improvement.
We've been married 8 years and I've still never watched a calf be pulled - I get light headed just listening to the gushing. Alex always tells me not to look because we don't have time for the ER.
Not all ranch wives help in the same ways.
 |
| They’re so cute when they’re not slimy. |
*People always say if you want to test your marriage, work animals together. I saw how that phrase came to be when sorting with another couple - they were yellin' and spittin' and cussin' and all that good cowboy stuff. No one was on their best behavior. We were still newlyweds, so Alex was patient and never raised his voice at me.
When we got home, I just looked at him and said, "Just so you know, you won't ever talk to me like that."
"No ma'am."
We still get frustrated working animals together, because I'm clueless and scared of anything bigger than a goat. We have resorted to grunts and muttering under our breath when we are frustrated.
Yelling at each other while working calves isn't a necessity.
*It was the first winter and the roads were icy so I hadn't been to town for a few days. I realized, with horror, that we were on the last roll of toilet paper. There was more snow coming so I wasn't going to be getting more any time soon. I remember being nervous I was going to have to use shop towels and started rationing squares to stretch it out as long as we could.
If you are in town and wondering if you need more of something or if you have enough already, buy it. That goes for toilet paper, fruit, tampons, milk duds...whatever you need to survive.
*I don't remember what it was about, but I remember arguing with Alex for the first time after we were married (tensions were high - we were probably short on toilet paper). I was feeling frustrated and needed space, but I had nowhere to go. I remember it was dark outside, and winter, so I couldn't go on a walk because I had no sense of direction and would surely get lost and freeze to death. I was contemplating tricking him to go outside, and locking the door behind him until I was over it, but then it hit me. This is marriage. This is the rest of my life. There was no driving to a coffee shop or to a friend's house to pout. I needed to get over myself, act like an adult, and quit throwing a hissy fit.
You are stuck in the middle of nowhere with this person. Learn to get along or plan on being miserable.
*Alex called me one day and told me he was stuck in a pasture. He told me to drive the tractor over and bring a chain to pull him out.
This was what I'd been waiting for. This was my moment to shine - to rescue him! I threw on my coat and ran to the pickup. I drove like a NASCAR driver to the shed, drifting on the turns and throwing up snow in every direction. I threw a chain into the scoop of the tractor, jumped in, and turned the key.
That dang thing SNAPPED IN HALF. I looked at part of the key in my hand and the other part that was stuck in the ignition. I sent him a picture of the key and told him to start walking. I went home and made him some hot cocoa.
If you fail at something your man asks you to do, food or drink is your best bet for quick forgiveness.
*On our first Valentine's Day as a married couple I was so excited. I thought since we got engaged on Valentine's weekend, it was sure to be a romantic and sweet time for us for the rest of eternity. Alex called me at work and asked me to come home early and help him unload a freezer.
I fully expected that he must have some surprise up his sleeve and needed me to come early so we could go somewhere exciting together.
I rushed home...and helped him haul in a freezer.
He had rolled his four-wheeler a few days before that and cracked a couple ribs, so I'm pretty sure I did all the heavy lifting.
I was still counting on him taking me somewhere - somewhere super nice because I just carried in a freezer practically by myself (he will tell you differently - he's lying).
He sat down on the couch, and said, "Whew...let's just stay home tonight..."
"Nope. You're wining and dining me - get up."
MOST, not all, MOST men in agriculture will not be home early on special occasions to spoil you. Accept that - or prepared to be bummed multiple times a year. It stinks at times, but randomly, they will. They'll make reservations and bring home flowers or milk duds (the real way to my heart) and it'll make you swoon because it’s so unexpected. Romantic gestures may not be their preferred way of expressing their love, but they will show it in many other ways.
Your man's work is more than a job...it’s his passion. He loves it. It's not just an 8-5 job that he comes home from and doesn't think about again until the next morning. Some days it'll feel like it's all he worries about, and sometimes it is. When you show that you want to be part of it - his two great loves come together. It makes the bad years and crappy prices seem better when their bride is by their side.
*My prayer request today is for our family again - I’m getting greedy with all these requests for myself. It’s been a hard month with unknowns in fostering, but your prayers have been so powerful, I’m going to ask for more.
*I also ask for prayers for our little buddy and fellow chicken farmer, Isaac, who is fighting cancer. For healing for him, wisdom for the doctors, and strength for his parents.
I love reading your stories!!! ❤
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